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A -Z of Essex English

A -Z of Essex English

ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building.

ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in 'Don't tell Sharon, She'll have an art attack.'

ARST - Past tense of ask. 'Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room.'

BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club.'Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa.'

BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.

BAVE - To wash oneself.

BOAF - The two. 'Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?' 'Boaf' is the reply.

BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent.

CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. 'Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel.'

CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.

CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.

CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)

DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.

DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.

DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in 'Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?'

EFTY - Considerable. 'Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty.'

EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

ERZ - Belonging to her.

EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. 'My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles.'

EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.

FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.

FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.

FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990.

FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. 'I ad it off wiv fingy last night.'

FONG - Skimpy undergarment.

FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G.'For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?'

GAWON - Go on. 'Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good.'

GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.

GRAND - A football stadium. 'It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand.'

HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.

IFFY - Dubious. 'Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's a bit iffy.'

INT - Indirect suggestion. ' I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to wash iz feet.'

IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels.'That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips.'

JA - Do you, did you. 'Ja like me new airdo, Sharon.'

JACKS - Five Pound note. 'Lend us a jacks, wilya?'

JAFTA - Is it really necessary? 'Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?'

KAF - Eating house open during the day.

KAFFY - A girl's name.

LAD - Noisy. 'Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too lad.'

LARJ - Enjoying oneself.

LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.

LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.

MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.

MAFFS - The study of numbers.

MANOR - Local area.

MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).

NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. 'Mum wannid to come rand but changed er mind. That was a narra escape.'

NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).

NEEVA - Not one nor the other.

NES - National Elf Service.

OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or commitment.

OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.

ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. 'I never did it, onnist.'

OPPIT - Go away , as in 'Oi you, oppit.'

PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. 'They're alright up front but they got a padda puff defence.'

PACIFIC - Specific.

PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.

PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.

PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.

PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.

QUALIDEE - Good, as in 'West 'Am's new striker's qualidee.'

RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group.

RANDEER - Locally. 'There ain't much call for it randeer.'

REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. 'I couldn't 'elp it. I was on the reband from Craig.'

ROOFLESS - Without compassion.

SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north.

SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town.

SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.

SEEVIN - Very angry. 'I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed.'

TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. 'Dave's gan dan tan to eye up the talent.'

TAN ASS - A modern terraced house.

TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. 'Ere look at that, Darren, she's well top evvy.'

UG - An unattractive person. 'Sharon's new geezer's a bit of an ug.'

UMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump.

VACHER - A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. 'I got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park.'

WANNED UP - Tense. 'I'm all wanned up at the moment.'

WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon.

WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in 'It all wennoff'.

YAFTA - You must : 'Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances.'

YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night. ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true.'Craig, I must've told ya a fazzund times already.' 'Don't zaggerate, mum.'

Bono quote.....

Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus ?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn't bring tears to your eyes.

Good Advice

Click on the image to enlarge text.....