Psychological test.

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl.....

While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy whom she did not know.She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be,that she fell in love with him there and then. A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister ?

DON'T Scroll down until you have thought what your own answer is to this question ! ! ! !(No trick answers here.)















Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was designed by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly.

Funny Pics

Australian Tourism

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow ? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street ? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of ?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why ? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right ?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round ? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name.
It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gumtrees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population ? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first....

Chinese steve IRWIN

Worth watching (BREN)

COUNCIL COMPLAINTS

Council complaints - These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt my knob off.

6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy my wife.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink..

16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Strange...but True ! ! !

This is the type of weird sh!t we've come to adore !!!



Trucker Boris Kalusch drowned after trying to drink from the beer tanker he was driving. Police in Siberia found his legs sticking from the inspection cover.



A man dubbed by police in Athens, Greece as The Cigarette Saboteur has taken to attacking people he sees smoking and forcing them to eat their remaining cigarettes. The oddball has claimed seven victims in six months.



While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo Falatti came up to a railway line just as the crossing gates were coming down. While he sat idling, a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tethered to the crossing gate, joined him. A few moments later a horse and cart drew up behind Falatti, followed in short order by a man in a sports car. When the train roared through the crossing, the horse startled and bit Falatti on the arm. Not a man to be trifled with, Falatti responded by punching the horse in the head. In consequence the horse's owner jumped down from his cart and began scuffling with the motorcyclist. The horse, which was not up to this sort of excitement, backed away briskly, smashing the cart into the sports car. At this, the sports-car driver leaped out of his car and joined the fray. The farmer came forward to try to pacify the three flailing men. As he did so, the crossing gates rose and his goat was strangled. At last report the insurance companies were still trying to sort out the claims.

Anger Management

Kindly sent to me – Funny as....

When you occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with
Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two Digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always
cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" Calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. Noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt - (I had his number on speed dial,)

I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Steve, you're a C*nt!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called C*nt #1.
"Hello?"
"You're a C*nt!" (but I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah.." I said.
"Stop calling me!" he screamed.
"Make me." I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared... C*nt." and hung up. Then I called C*nt #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, C*nt," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll do what?" I said

"I'll kick your a*se," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the sh!t out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

Now I feel MUCH better.

Anger management? Don't waste your time

DIETING

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

'If what you put in the hole in your face is bigger than what comes out of the hole in your arse then you will put on weight'

Rick Wakeman - Planet Rock

The Arse Doctor

The ‘Arse’ Doctor….
Dairy Allergy or Dairy Intolerance? Who Knows?

A few days ago (Flashback ~~~ wavy picture~~~~) Having waited months and not being able to eat pizza, chocolate, any takeaway food and virtually anything nice I was really looking forward to my trip to the Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother Hospital to see a Consultant (MR DR whatever – tried to pronounce it, didn’t get an angle on it – not even with Red Bull Tongue¹). I decided it would be best not to ask for or address him at all thereby not annoying said MR DR and saving any mutual embarrassment.

The purpose of the visit to get a professional stance on my possible dairy allergy/intolerance. I turned up for the appointment within good time, as always, but found I was waiting in a packed waiting room way past the actual booked time. I saw this as a good opportunity to write some notes on the reverse of the NHS appointment reminder. I wrote down that I had suffered headaches on a daily basis and at other times where these headaches could be associated with visual disturbances (Eyes like a whelk comes to mind). Sinus problems had been suffered also but I need not bore you with these.

Eventually my name is called and I enter the surgery. Mr Dr is sitting behind a desk. I sit down. Mr Dr asks what he can do for me. I begin my story of headaches and sinus problems. MR DR asks how my bowels are. I explain that my bowels are just fine and the headaches had started to go once I stopped eating cheese and other dairy products. MR DR asks about diarrhoea – I told him that I had not had any diarrhoea, but when I cut out all dairy products about two months ago, the ‘allergic’ symptoms associated in my head had virtually stopped. MR DR did not appear to be interested in my symptoms and I wondered if he was in fact listening at all. He asked once again about my bowel movements and I explained that everything was in order. Pressing me further on my lower region (not literally) I explained that when I used to eat takeaway food I may have suffered a Deli Belly² the next day – but didn’t we all. I told MR DR that I was not eating any takeaway food now because of the dairy content. MR DR asked if I had flatulence (I immediately thought about Shane at work and smiled to myself). I told MR DR that I obviously farted but didn’t everybody and went on to say that all of the symptoms associated with my dairy problems were from the shoulders upwards. MR DR asked again about diarrhoea and now I’m thinking ‘WTF’. I asked him why do you think I’ve got the – erm diarrhoea. MR DR said my GP was concerned about it. Feeling slightly agitated now I asked if I had done something in my GP’s surgery that led him to think I had other symptoms I was unaware of. MR DR said there was a letter from the GP. I asked to see the letter and there it was – Mr Ellis, cheese and dairy and diarrhoea. MY GP has lost the plot – I told MR DR that he clearly had me confused with someone else. I was normal in those areas. I told MR DR that all my problems were up here and not down there and then the penny dropped. I asked MR DR - I don’t mean to be rude but you are a bum doctor right? MR DR looked a little uncomfortable with my frankness but then answered you could say that.

I told MR DR that it was silly that we continued to waste each others time and I left. Walking out of the hospital waiting room I reflected on the visit and rung a friend when I got outside. When asked how I had got on – I explained ‘Yeah it was kinda ok – except some bloke was after my arse’.

HOW BIZARRE….

¹ Red Bull Tongue – An infliction on the normal delivery of speech associated with the consumption of energy drinks containing caffeine and taurine. Symptoms are accelerated or unintelligible speech and victims are thought to be attempting to deliver tomorrows conversation today.

² Deli Belly - an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of faecal evacuations generally following the digestion of hot, spicy food norm. of Indian origin.