The ‘Arse’ Doctor….
Dairy Allergy or Dairy Intolerance? Who Knows?
A few days ago (Flashback ~~~ wavy picture~~~~) Having waited months and not being able to eat pizza, chocolate, any takeaway food and virtually anything nice I was really looking forward to my trip to the Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother Hospital to see a Consultant (MR DR whatever – tried to pronounce it, didn’t get an angle on it – not even with Red Bull Tongue¹). I decided it would be best not to ask for or address him at all thereby not annoying said MR DR and saving any mutual embarrassment.
The purpose of the visit to get a professional stance on my possible dairy allergy/intolerance. I turned up for the appointment within good time, as always, but found I was waiting in a packed waiting room way past the actual booked time. I saw this as a good opportunity to write some notes on the reverse of the NHS appointment reminder. I wrote down that I had suffered headaches on a daily basis and at other times where these headaches could be associated with visual disturbances (Eyes like a whelk comes to mind). Sinus problems had been suffered also but I need not bore you with these.
Eventually my name is called and I enter the surgery. Mr Dr is sitting behind a desk. I sit down. Mr Dr asks what he can do for me. I begin my story of headaches and sinus problems. MR DR asks how my bowels are. I explain that my bowels are just fine and the headaches had started to go once I stopped eating cheese and other dairy products. MR DR asks about diarrhoea – I told him that I had not had any diarrhoea, but when I cut out all dairy products about two months ago, the ‘allergic’ symptoms associated in my head had virtually stopped. MR DR did not appear to be interested in my symptoms and I wondered if he was in fact listening at all. He asked once again about my bowel movements and I explained that everything was in order. Pressing me further on my lower region (not literally) I explained that when I used to eat takeaway food I may have suffered a Deli Belly² the next day – but didn’t we all. I told MR DR that I was not eating any takeaway food now because of the dairy content. MR DR asked if I had flatulence (I immediately thought about Shane at work and smiled to myself). I told MR DR that I obviously farted but didn’t everybody and went on to say that all of the symptoms associated with my dairy problems were from the shoulders upwards. MR DR asked again about diarrhoea and now I’m thinking ‘WTF’. I asked him why do you think I’ve got the – erm diarrhoea. MR DR said my GP was concerned about it. Feeling slightly agitated now I asked if I had done something in my GP’s surgery that led him to think I had other symptoms I was unaware of. MR DR said there was a letter from the GP. I asked to see the letter and there it was – Mr Ellis, cheese and dairy and diarrhoea. MY GP has lost the plot – I told MR DR that he clearly had me confused with someone else. I was normal in those areas. I told MR DR that all my problems were up here and not down there and then the penny dropped. I asked MR DR - I don’t mean to be rude but you are a bum doctor right? MR DR looked a little uncomfortable with my frankness but then answered you could say that.
I told MR DR that it was silly that we continued to waste each others time and I left. Walking out of the hospital waiting room I reflected on the visit and rung a friend when I got outside. When asked how I had got on – I explained ‘Yeah it was kinda ok – except some bloke was after my arse’.
HOW BIZARRE….
¹ Red Bull Tongue – An infliction on the normal delivery of speech associated with the consumption of energy drinks containing caffeine and taurine. Symptoms are accelerated or unintelligible speech and victims are thought to be attempting to deliver tomorrows conversation today.
² Deli Belly - an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of faecal evacuations generally following the digestion of hot, spicy food norm. of Indian origin.
Dairy Allergy or Dairy Intolerance? Who Knows?
A few days ago (Flashback ~~~ wavy picture~~~~) Having waited months and not being able to eat pizza, chocolate, any takeaway food and virtually anything nice I was really looking forward to my trip to the Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother Hospital to see a Consultant (MR DR whatever – tried to pronounce it, didn’t get an angle on it – not even with Red Bull Tongue¹). I decided it would be best not to ask for or address him at all thereby not annoying said MR DR and saving any mutual embarrassment.
The purpose of the visit to get a professional stance on my possible dairy allergy/intolerance. I turned up for the appointment within good time, as always, but found I was waiting in a packed waiting room way past the actual booked time. I saw this as a good opportunity to write some notes on the reverse of the NHS appointment reminder. I wrote down that I had suffered headaches on a daily basis and at other times where these headaches could be associated with visual disturbances (Eyes like a whelk comes to mind). Sinus problems had been suffered also but I need not bore you with these.
Eventually my name is called and I enter the surgery. Mr Dr is sitting behind a desk. I sit down. Mr Dr asks what he can do for me. I begin my story of headaches and sinus problems. MR DR asks how my bowels are. I explain that my bowels are just fine and the headaches had started to go once I stopped eating cheese and other dairy products. MR DR asks about diarrhoea – I told him that I had not had any diarrhoea, but when I cut out all dairy products about two months ago, the ‘allergic’ symptoms associated in my head had virtually stopped. MR DR did not appear to be interested in my symptoms and I wondered if he was in fact listening at all. He asked once again about my bowel movements and I explained that everything was in order. Pressing me further on my lower region (not literally) I explained that when I used to eat takeaway food I may have suffered a Deli Belly² the next day – but didn’t we all. I told MR DR that I was not eating any takeaway food now because of the dairy content. MR DR asked if I had flatulence (I immediately thought about Shane at work and smiled to myself). I told MR DR that I obviously farted but didn’t everybody and went on to say that all of the symptoms associated with my dairy problems were from the shoulders upwards. MR DR asked again about diarrhoea and now I’m thinking ‘WTF’. I asked him why do you think I’ve got the – erm diarrhoea. MR DR said my GP was concerned about it. Feeling slightly agitated now I asked if I had done something in my GP’s surgery that led him to think I had other symptoms I was unaware of. MR DR said there was a letter from the GP. I asked to see the letter and there it was – Mr Ellis, cheese and dairy and diarrhoea. MY GP has lost the plot – I told MR DR that he clearly had me confused with someone else. I was normal in those areas. I told MR DR that all my problems were up here and not down there and then the penny dropped. I asked MR DR - I don’t mean to be rude but you are a bum doctor right? MR DR looked a little uncomfortable with my frankness but then answered you could say that.
I told MR DR that it was silly that we continued to waste each others time and I left. Walking out of the hospital waiting room I reflected on the visit and rung a friend when I got outside. When asked how I had got on – I explained ‘Yeah it was kinda ok – except some bloke was after my arse’.
HOW BIZARRE….
¹ Red Bull Tongue – An infliction on the normal delivery of speech associated with the consumption of energy drinks containing caffeine and taurine. Symptoms are accelerated or unintelligible speech and victims are thought to be attempting to deliver tomorrows conversation today.
² Deli Belly - an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of faecal evacuations generally following the digestion of hot, spicy food norm. of Indian origin.
1 comment:
FROM MADDOG WOMAN:
Hi Lee, you’re understanding Sis here, like the picture didn’t realise you could bend over that far! i always thought you had a problem with diarrhoea or was it that i said you were full of shit! That was it! Being serious though that doesn't surprise me that your doctor doesn't listen either, I think you know your body well enough by now and what agrees with you, you’re probably better off playing Dr yourself. Anyway could have been worse he could have sent you to a gynaecologist.
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